My parents have been banging all over the house today.

I'm happy for them but I must say, it's quite distracting.

Not five minutes ago, my brother sauntered up to me and said with a grin,

"When I got my meat out in front of Boomer, he just went crazy."

:O

Last night, my friend Siobhain was trying to tell a story about something that happened while she was in Bangkok. Predictably, Matthew and I spent ten minutes derailing the story in order to get her to say "Bangkok" as many times as possible. Equally predictably, Siobhain yells, "You are so fucking juvenile ( Read more... )

Boss: (in middle of brain fart) What was I doing? Jesus Christ!
Me: You were doing Jesus Christ? ...does he have a three day refractory period?
Boss: (points) You stay over there.

Laundry: Kaylie, we need to talk.
Kaylie: Sure. What's the problem?
Laundry: I'M SENTIENT.
Kaylie: So... are you saying that you want me to-- do you? ::giggles::
Laundry: *sigh*

Toilet Paper Dispenser: Slide lever for Jew Roll.
Kayliesaur: ...Is that like the opposite of a Kaiser roll?
TP Dispenser: What?? I said NEW roll, NEW roll!
Kayliesaur: ....oh.
TP Dispenser: Dumbass.